Amazing and true lawyer statements

Amazing and true lawyer statements. Lawyers typically aren’t
funny — unless by accident. Case in point: The following
questions from lawyers were taken from official court records
nationwide...

1)  Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2)  Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t
know anything about it until the next morning?

3)   Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can
identify me.’  Q: Did he kill you?

4)  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5)  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6)  Were you alone or by yourself.

7)  How long have you been a French Canadian?

8)  Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9)   Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that
picture.
A: That’s me.   Q: Were you present when that picture was
taken?

10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn
in?

11)  Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.  Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12)  Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on November
8.  Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

A: Yes.  Q: What were you doing at that time?

13)  Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.  Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14) So you were gone until you returned?

15)  Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.  Q: How many were boys?
A: None.  Q: Were there girls?

16) You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?

17)  Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.  Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18)  Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said,
"Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question."

20)  Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined
the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy!